Rough Draft

Posted on March 5, 2011 | 18 Comments

Again another will walk away
Constructing a vacuum to avoid
On her own path towards a new day

Having fulfilled what she had to pay
Rendered unto Freud what will be Freud’s
Again another will walk away

Loves intention is felt today
Hapless tomorrow of feeling toyed
On her own path towards a new day

Gifts that were given you want to pay
Though enlightenment leaves you annoyed
Again another will walk away

The role you were cast you must obey
Otherwise countenance will be destroyed
On her own path towards a new day

The bubbles that surfaced had their play
An addition to arsenals deployed
Again another will walk away
On her own path towards a new day

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kxp130/57327490/

This entry was posted in Villanelle and tagged Expectations, Therapy, Vacuum. Bookmark the permalink.

18 responses to “Rough Draft”

timkeen40 | March 5, 2011 at 5:12 AM | Reply

Excellent poem. Thanks for sharing.

http://timkeen40.wordpress.com

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belladonna23 | March 5, 2011 at 6:58 AM | Reply

i like that. every new day is like a rough draft. and if the rough drat of yesterday sucked, you know you got a new one coming up soon. sounds nice =)

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Jingle | March 6, 2011 at 8:59 AM | Reply

love the word play here, what a smart tribe.
well done.

Happy Sunday, welcome attending poets rally or poetry potluck today.
your absence is missed.
🙂

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Bodhirose | March 6, 2011 at 9:59 AM | Reply

I like this too, Michael. I don’t want to see my days as “rough drafts” but I do anyway…

Your absence is missed!

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- booguloo | March 12, 2011 at 2:05 PM | Reply
  
  Feeling my oats when I wrote this in one setting. Came back the next day to review it and I liked it and Kept the title as it was originality saved. It worked. Thanks again!
  
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  - Bodhirose | March 12, 2011 at 3:04 PM |
    
    Great title and it sure did work too. xoxo
    
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Tess Kincaid | March 7, 2011 at 12:18 PM | Reply

I love the render unto Freud thing.

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- booguloo | March 12, 2011 at 2:01 PM | Reply
  
  Happy you enjoyed it! Good to have you stop by!
  
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Sharp Little Pencil | March 11, 2011 at 10:22 PM | Reply

“Rendered unto Freud…” a nice Biblical allusion. Every day is a rough draft for me, and the struggle is refining what I can, and like the Serenity prayer, letting go of what isn’t happening for me… yet. Thanks for this, a good read aloud. Amy

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- booguloo | March 12, 2011 at 1:45 PM | Reply
  
  We do what we can.. sometimes one second at a time.
  
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Jessica | March 14, 2011 at 5:01 AM | Reply

There’s a kind of repetition here that works well, emphasising your theme. Tightly written.

http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2011/03/14/bubble-bath/

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- booguloo | March 14, 2011 at 5:11 AM | Reply
  
  Appreciate the comments. I chose the Villanelle style for this one.
  
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Jingle | March 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM | Reply

superb message.
aptly put.

A++

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- booguloo | March 14, 2011 at 11:18 AM | Reply
  
  Thanks Ji.
  
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fiveloaf | March 14, 2011 at 10:14 AM | Reply

gorgeous piece booguloo..here’s my potluck.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/04/27/cheesecake/

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- booguloo | March 14, 2011 at 11:18 AM | Reply
  
  Thanks fiveloaf! That’s a fat slice of cheesecake.. Just the way I like it.
  
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Kavita | March 16, 2011 at 2:15 PM | Reply

Well written, Michael.. many layers to this one…
People come and go…and so do days … and yet, we wake up to each new day, with a new hope, a new glint in the eye… I guess that’s the way to live by.. take each day at a time.. making drafts as they come…

A lovely read!! Very thought provoking..

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- booguloo | March 22, 2011 at 3:13 AM | Reply
  
  Kavita your work always says something to me and I’m glad I was able to return the feelings in this one.
  
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