“The tornado is coming! Come on, quickly get in the storm cellar. Is everyone here?” Just then Pete rushed down the stairs. “Pa, I got the horses out of the barn in time.”
© 2012 Michael Yost 3/9
This weekend’s challenge is to give us a story or snippet of a story which includes, in exactly 33 words, a justified exclamation point. Make us believe that your exclamation point simply needs to be in your story. The writer with the most believable exclamation wins.
http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/
Michael's Lair 
Very timely with all the recent storms.
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See how the subconscious brings things forward? Not that it wasn’t important but that was the farthest thing from my mind when it came out.
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Good work!
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Thanks Mel. I found your reply in my spam box. I’m going to have to check it on a daily basis from here on out.
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Okay, you totally need an exclamation point after, “The tornado is coming!”. Can you imagine if someone was like, “Oh, gee, the tornado is coming. ” Great post, booguloo.
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Thanks!!
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I grew up in Ohio and I HATE tornadoes!
That’s why I live in Alaska . . . where we have earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. Great post, Michael.
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In so cal we’ve got the earthquakes, wildfires and mudslides. In Syracuse, NY we had huge snowstorms and good sized thunder storms. Got to love the world we live in.
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No doubt an exclamation point was required in this passage, but I would have assigned it to the second sentence, not the first, because the second is a command sentence. The first is not.
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Thanks for the input. You’ve taught me something today.
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Mr. Booguloo — You’re so right about So Cal. A friend of mine fled Chicago because of the snow, but I don’t think she gained anything when you consider how Mother Nature treats So Cal.
Mentioning the horses lent credibility and emotion. Nice touch.
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People and livestock. Got to make sure they’ve all got a chance. You know some people are trying to split Cali into two states? It doesn’t have to do with the poem or the posting but I thought it was interesting.
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Chilling piece and excellent use of an exclamation… Bravo! And what the…? Split Cali into two states? Interesting, had not heard of this tidbit… must google now. 😉
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Thanks Dana. I didn’t realize the time had passed so quickly on the cali subject. Nothing on Google since the 15Th of July.
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B. Very timely. We actually spotted a “rope” tornado here in Castle Rock. (Now I am so aware of the !) F.Scott used !, but only in dialogue, so you are safe.
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Thanks Natalie. When I was in the Navy, water spouts were amazed me.
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After reading just that short amount of story, I can see the whole scenario playing out in my head. Very nice 🙂
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Thanks Lacie Jay. Like your name.
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Nicely done. Good images.
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Thanks KG.
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Wow – I think every one of those sentences could have ended in an exclamation point!
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The way I read it was to justify a exclamation point. So that’s how it came to just one.
This weekend’s challenge is to give us a story or snippet of a story which includes, in exactly 33 words, a justified exclamation point. Make us believe that your exclamation point simply needs to be in your story. The writer with the most believable exclamation wins.
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If a tornado was coming, all my sentences would have an exclamation point after it! (Ditto to Jesterqueen).
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Thanks for the visit and the comments. I left a note copied from the instructions to justify a single exclamation point.
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Every sentence save the last one could have used one, but especially the second. Great job. So glad the horses made it out.
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Thanks Diane. Looks like there’s a consensus. smiles…
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this is one of my biggest fears. yikes!
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I can’t imagine losing my gravity to wind. Just pulled up like a rag doll and flung around.
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Thanks for linking up to this weekend’s Trifextra. I agree that the second sentence could get away with an exclamation, but I’m not sure taking it from the first is the best way to go. I think that when it’s dialogue and there’s a tornado coming, nobody is ever going to accuse you of being too dramatic. 🙂 Hope to see you back on Monday.
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OK DOKE
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Good image of tension, but Pa should be the only speaker. Waters down the power of the moment. ” Did you let the horses out?” Evelyn
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Sounds like a good idea. When I wrote this piece anyone of the characters could have said the tornado is coming. I thought at the time that that was the most relevant concern, but now I hear I have it ass backward. That’s OK I can learn. I didn’t realize even with these 33 word memes that the pieces should be edit free of any errors. I also learned I’m going to have to learn prose to be even considered in the contests.(I know that some poetry did win, but my style is nothing like the writer’s style so i’ll practice writing prose for now) That’s OK too. In the future I open up my work to any correction or suggestion that might make me a better writer.
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The character of the son … it just comes alive. This is a great piece of writing.
Thanks for you visit. I liked hearing from you.
Regards,
Ruby
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Thanks. Appreciate the visit and the comment.
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